Sh*t got real!

Our tale takes place in the ruined city of Neverwinter, a nexus of brave adventurers hoping to forge their destiny within the crumbled and apocalyptic shell of a once grand city.

Our adventure starts in the Bawdy Boar, a rough and tumble tavern filled with a motley assortment of patrons including Helg Firebeard– it’s purveyor.  Our adventures noticed that some new faces found their way to the inn. The Bawdy Boar is known for it’s Shield Wall, a wall within the tavern that serves as a message board filled with potential work for would-be adventurers and cryptic messages between said adventurers.On with the story…

Today’s cast of Neverwinter protagonists include…

  • Kaiser Hemlocke: human | ranger5
  • Baron Silas Hightower: half orc | fighter5
  • Hildegarde Stonewall: dwarven | rogue5
  • Malek: human | paladin3?
  • Garrister: half elf? | fighter3
  • Horrace the Bold: human | sorceror2


Accepting a Mission

Winter has set in and the Bawdy Boar is lively with patrons trying to escape the cold. Hoping the kiss of ale or a barmaid would warm their bones.

Our heroes have become regulars at the Inn and their presence transcends the din of the common room. The  paladin named Malek returned to his table with a handful of drinks, met with a jovial welcoming from The Baron Silas Hightower. Malek takes a seat and our adventurers discuss the employment options listed on the Shield Wall.

“As long as it doesn’t involve the damn ocean” exclaimed Garrister. He upended his ale, quickly grabbing one of the new drinks that Malek just supplied.

“Aye!” proclaimed Hildegaurge with a raise of her growler. “The ocean be no place for a dwarf.”

“Damn the bloody ocean!” added the Ranger Hemlocke with a drunken sheepish grin.

“Did you miss your trees, leaves, and squirrels?” asked The Baron with a heavy pat on the ranger’s back, nearly knocking the ranger over, causing the Baron to roar with laughter.

“Ahhh Malek! Helm be with you.” could be heard from behind Silas. The half-orc hero’s face immediately tensed, showing recognition, followed by frustration. His eyes rolled and “Awww Fuck” could be read on his lips.

“Hail Ser Jerrot” replied Malek with a grin directed at Silas.

“Helm be with you” replied Jerrot, with an all too-white grin showing too many straight teeth. “I see you are still attempting to turn the questionable sorts to the word of Helm. They may yet find the sanctity of the light despite their heritage.”

“What can we do for you Jerrot?” asked Hemlocke with a smile. “Did someone steal your hairbrush? Or did you finally want to learn how to use that sword?”

“Quite funny.” Jerrot stated with the absence of a smile. “I come baring the service of the greater good. The city could use the help of you fine folks. Why even you and the dwarf would be welcomed Hightower.” added Jerrot with a haute tone.

“Quit the shit you pompous ass.” said Garrister.

Picking an unseen blemish from his snow white tabard, “Funny you say shit…” laughed Jerrot.

“What job do you speak of and what do it pay?” asked Hildegaurde with a deadly and serious gaze.

“One that would make you feel right at home dwarf.” exclaims Jerrot with a nudge at Garrister. The young warrior, newly schooled in Eldritch, turned to Jerrot and replied with only a flat and level gaze.

“Right, right” coughed Jerrot. Obviously losing comfort around the deadly crew of heroes. “Let me introduce you to Bellow Bulgebright.”

“I think that would be wise of you.” said Malek.

The paladin of Helm gives a flourished bow and leaves the hero’s table. He strode across the common room as if it were a king’s court and starts to chat with a large man.

“That guy is quite the peacock?” asked Horrace.

“With a strong emphasis on the ‘Cock’ portion of the word.” laughed the Baron.

The party of heroes erupts with laughter and join growlers with a jovial cheer of solidarity.

“Wait. Shhh. Here he comes” said Malek, attempting to stifle his laughter.

Jerrot returned with a large man dressed in orange robes of a fine cut. A man who had obviously done well for himself.

“Meet Bellow Bulgebright” exclaimed the paladin in a proud voice and extravagant hand flourish. “He is the top seat in the Order of Cellars and Plumbers for Neverwinter.”

“Pull up a seat plumber, and buy us a drink” said Garrister with a grin.

The man pulls himself onto a bench at the heroes table and introduces himself as Bellow Bulgeright, the head of Neverwinter’s plumbers guild. He was in charge of making sure that the sewer system flows without blockage.

“We have recently lost three crews in the sewers” exclaims Bellow. “I’d like to pay you fine folks to escort another crew into the sewers.”

“Sounds like a shitty job to me.” Garrister said with a drunken laugh.

“On the contrary” exclaimed Bellow. “The sewers are a vital cog in the wheel that is Neverwinter.”

“What does it pay?” asked Horrace. The other heroes came to a pause, and looked at Horrace with an approving smile.

“You are proving to be a smart ally Horrace” said Silas Hightower with a tusked grin and a chuckle.

The plumber looked around the table with a confused look on his face.

“Like the magician said… What does it pay?” asked the ranger Hemlocke.

“We will pay a fair wage for our worker’s protection.” said Bellow. “50 gold pieced for the protection of each worker’s life and another 500 gold upon completion.”

“50 gold for a life?” asked Malek with an intimidating and stern face.

“Fine. 100 gold pieces..?” asked Bellow. Malek’s level stare had obviously made the man uncomfortable.

The heroes huddled to discuss the work amongst themselves and agree to take the job. The job details included the protection of five plumbers while they cleared at least five blockages in the sewers.

“We will do the task.” exclaimed Hildegaurde.

“Excellent!” Jerrot said with an assured smile.

“You will meet the crew and leave in the morning.” exclaimed the plumber spokesman.”Please remember their lives and the sewers are vital to Neverwinter.” he added as he made his way out of the inn.



PLUNGING into the sewers

The next day arrives with groggy eyes and a few of our heroes were dreading the combination of a slight hangover and the shit-filled sewers. They gather their gear and meet the crew they were employed to protect. The sewer crew consisted of Walgut Oakbottom (their foreman), dwarf Jacoby, a large man named Turgul, and two others who were named Filey and “Squints”. They exchange pleasantries and make their way north toward the Black Lake district.

Once an extremely seedy place, the Black Lake district has seen a recent economic growth, bustling with activity that didn’t involve murder, robbing, and intimidation.

“The light of Helm has begun to cleanse the filth of the district.” exclaimed paladin Malek with a self assuring nod. “We should be proud of our accomplishments.” he added.

Just a few months earlier, the paladin had nearly killed a lich that roamed the once dangerous area. The deed had propelled Malek to near-celebrity status. Mutters of “Helm’s Weapon” could be heard as we shuffled through the crowds.

Along the way, our seasoned heroes discuss their route and decided to enter the sewers through a large gate where disembodied voices had been heard in the past. The five plumbers begin to encumber themselves with the tools of the trade- Apparently a strong back and even stronger stomach were the best tools when one decides to become a plumber. The party walks to the sewer gate with a less-than-enthusiastic demeanor.

The entrance way to the sewers let a warm, musky smell of shit waft over our adventures and they begin to have doubts.

“What a fine smell you have discovered princess” said Horrace to Jerrot.

“Let’s get this shit over…” grumbled Hemlocke as he took a step into the slightly congealed water of filth.

“Watch your hair Jerrot.” The Baron said with a smile. “We’d hate for you to get dirty.”

The paladin Jerrot lifted his cape, attempting to keep it free of the scum filled water. A look of disgust and frustration could be seen on his face.

“There is something on your back.” said Hildegaurde as she kicked a turd at the pompous paladin.


Into the literal bowels of Neverwinter

They eventually descend into the depths of the sewers with the heroes set in the front and the back of the plumbing crew.

The party wades through shitty water for what seems likes hours and reaches the first junction that needed clearing. A large pipe was blocked with all kinds of rubbish, including some skeletal remains.

“Get your asses to work!” barked Walgut with a sharp gesture.

And so the plumbers went to work. Which basically consisted of them chopping and hammering at piles of filth, making a deafening ruckus.

“Stay alert” whispered Hildegaurde. “These fools will wake the dead.”

“Whooshhhhh” could be heard from a now unblocked pipe as shitty water came flowing freely.

A small chatter could also be heard from the opening and the Baron stepped forward to peer down the newly liberated pipe.

“Fucking hell!” the Baron yelled as hundreds of rats poured out of the pipe. He jumped back.

Horrace, ready for an encounter, muttered an incantation and a loud thunderous force decimated the large pack of rats- leaving bloody rat guts in it’s wake.

The party stepped back to avoid the shower of rat parts with a loud sloshing when tentacles sprang out of the filthy water.

“Form a line. Protect the workers.” barked Malek with his blade raised to strike. More tentacles sprang out of the water in another location behind the adventurers.

“Watch the pincer attack!” barked Hemlocke as he rushed at the first set of tentacles, axes in hand.

The tentacles were a sickly yellow color and as thick as a small tree. They came to a flat, broad end and had what appeared to be jagged teeth or spikes. The rest of the monsters broke the surface and they were very large creatures with wide meaty maws lined with jagged teeth.

“Otyughs!” yelled Jacoby, the dwarven plumber. His eyes wide with fear, he turned and ran.

“Get him you pompous ass!” yelled Baron to Jerrot.


The party charged the monsters with Hildegaurde taking point. She rushed in and deftly landed a vicious slice against one of the tentacled monsters. Horrace unleashed a stream of magic bolts while the other party members waged in. “Watch the tentacles!” Malek yelled. But it was too late for Hemlocke. One of the creatures grabbed him with it’s tentacles and stuffed the ranger into it’s large maw. The ranger struggled to break free but the beast was too strong. Muffled curses could be heard from the beast’s great mouth.

“Kaiser!” the Baron screamed as he plunged his star blade into the creature. But his attack was off the mark, plunging through the Otyughs maw and into the ranger. The orc retrieved his blade finding two kinds of blood on it. “Whoops” he muttered.

“Kill them!” yelled Garrister as he cut a tentacle from one of the beasts.

One creature fell dead as a third arose from behind the party. “There is another one” warned Horrace as fire surgedt from his fingers, searing a hole into one of the Otyughs.

Malek rescued Kaiser from the dead monster’s grasp as the party continues the onslaught of the second beast.

They slash, cast, and maneuver- eventually killing the second beast.  Seeing it’s companions swooned, the third monster fled under the filthy water. Jerrot returned with Jacoby in tow like a child under his arms. The party takes a short rest to heal the defeated ranger and bandage their wounds.

“Off to a great start” laughs Garrister.

“Let’s just get this over.” said Hemlocke favoring his wounded side.

The now-wounded party gathered their gear and headed toward the next blockage that is marked on the map…




Sweet Vengeance Overrides the Stank of Sh*t

Our somewhat refreshed party trudges through a long path of shit-smelling foulness I don’t want to imagine. They reach the second blockage on the map and the plumbers ready themselves for their work. The heroes, again, show vigilance as they stand guard over the five members of the plumber’s guild. Only this time there are no smiles or joking. They stand poised and ready to attack any opponent.

Just as the clatter of their work is about to begin, the faint glow of torchlight can be seen down a distant tunnel. Not willing to take any chances after the last encounter, the party makes their way toward the light as quiet as they can.

Hildegaurde slinks forward and presses herself around the corner of the torchlight. She halts the rest of the party with a raised fist. The dwarven thief pokes her head around the corner and sees four shadowy figures. “The secret is not far.” could be heard from the light’s direction. “Let us get the prize.”

Being a thief in the city for over a year (and having gained a strong reputation in that time), Hildegaurde asks in Thieve’s Cant, “Any room for more blades, these sewers are dangerous..?”

“This is our business” a gruff voice responds. “Let us pass without altercation.”

We agree to let the shadowy party pass and the four figures start to move past our group. Only one person catches Baron Silas’s attention.

Quick as lightning, the half orcs starblade is unsheathed and he let’s out a loud roar. “Darkull you motherfucker!!!”

The half orc springs forward with uncanny speed. The figure had been Darkull, a noted priest of Talos that has been known to terrorize Neverwinter and it’s citizens. He also had a great bounty on his head.

Darkull’s eyes go wide with recognition. “The Baron!” he exclaims. “Get them you fools!”

Darkull raises his great maul to block Silas’s attack. His maul, now crackling with lightning meets the Baron’s blade- locked in a stalemate of strength. He hears three systematic thumps behind, and turns to see his cronies hunched over and asleep. Horrace, lowers his glowing hands to rest upon his staff. “He’s all alone now. Take him!” the sorcerer spits.

Darkull presses the Barron back with his maul and casts a lightning spell at the half orc fighter. Lightning crackles forward hitting the Baron. A wide grin splitting the face of the Talos priest.

But the grin would not sustain as four more of our heroes press the evil priest. Kaiser’s wheeling handaxes cut in, Hildegaurde’s deft blade pierces the evils priest’s arm, Garrister and Malek also rush in with powerful blows of their own. The priest swiftly falls to his knees but prepares one more spell…

He starts to utter the final incantation when The Baron Sils Hightower’s blade, glinting with the light of a thousand stars, pierces Darkull’s chest.

“Sorry Darkull.” Baron said with a smile. “Shitter’s full”.

Darkull slumps over with a thud as Baron retrieves his blade from the evil priest’s chest.

The party quickly binds the unconscious toadies and search Darkull’s lifeless body. The search reveals some gold, four magical crossbow bolts, Darkull’s great maul (which is capable of delivering a devastating lightning attack), and a small piece of parchment. We unfold the parchment and find Dethok (the written dwarven language) scratched all over it. Hildegaurde, our dwarven rogue, deciphers the script and informs us that it points to “XVII” (17).

“Entrance seventeen is right near one of the blockages” Squints the plumber proclaims.

“Let’s uncover the secret this bastard wanted” Malek exclaimed with a nudge of his foot on Darkull’s corpse.

Lucky Number Seven…Teen

With the hopes of treasure in their minds, our heroes continue through the sewers with a new spring in their step.

“Suddenly the smell of shit isn’t so bad” laughed Horrace. He tested the air with a sniff “Maybe not…” he added.

The adventurers reach the third spot and find a “XVII” scrawled on one of the walls.

“What now?” asked Garrister while absently looking over his frost blade.


The plumbers begin their work down from the marked wall. They bang away at the sewer blockage. Extra loud thumps could be heard every time Turgal, the largest of the plumbers, dropped his sledgehammer.

“Hey Turgul, come here.” said ranger Kaiser Hemlocke. “Want to make a few gold? Come hit the shit out of this wall.”

The glint of gold catches the plumber’s eye and he agrees to hit the marked wall.

“THWANG! THWANG! THWANG!” could be heard with each stroke of the large plumber’s hammer.


The wall gave way with one last great strike and the heroes peer through the hole. The glint of metal could be seen in the dark room.




A Sh*tload of Coin

“Treasure be in here.” Hildegaurde said with a knowing smile. “I know that smell anywhere.”

“Turgul, break us a larger hole, you marvelous shit shoveling bastard.” Garrister says with a grin.

The large plumber swings away and makes a hole large enough for the party to step through. Torchlight reveals a very large cache of gold, silver, and copper.

The five plumbers shuffle their way through the hole and begin to revel in joy. They dance and scream with joy.”Treasure!” yells Jacoby while tossing coins into the air.

Our adventurers, cynical from years of experience, stay back with caution. “Keep ye eye peeled.” whispers Hildegaurde. “This much treasure will not be free.”

As if sparked by the dwarf’s words, mounds of coin rose from the piles, forming large humanoid shapes. They start to trudge at the celebrating plumbers.

The animated forms of coins go after the plumbers, smashing the dwarf Jacoby into a blood pulp.

Our heroes immediately go on the offensive. They rush a single monster, finding it resilient to non-magical attacks. The Baron hacks with his starblade, Garrister cuts with his frost blade, Malek slices with his magical blade, Hemlocke attacks with Darkull’s maul, Hildegaurde fires the magical bolts found earlier, and Horrace blasts them with magic.

The fight ebbs and flows with several heroes going down in the melee(multiple times). Two more plumbers also fall to great beasts made of wicked treasure. During the fight, several of the heroes go down but they eventually turn the tide.

The adventurers overcome the great treasure monsters and quickly begin to rifle through the horde of treasure. They find several magic items in addition to the gold. We abandon the sewer mission and make our way back to the surface, smelling of shit and gold.

Treasure Procured

  • Belt of Fire Giant Strength
  • Darkull’s Great Maul of Lightning
  • Wand of Radience
  • Elvan Chain Mail
  • a shitload of gold and a very nice XP bump

Great job team


I may do a short right up for Lou’s seabound adventure.